Balancing Joy and Fear

There is a dramatic shade range in women of color (WOC.) 

From skin the color and opaqueness of cream, all the way to more dramatic chocolate brown to black.  The spectrum is beautiful.   

Beautiful.  But it’s also challenging to cosmetically color match. 

Regardless, cosmetic companies currently competing in the marketplace know if they want to stay competitive, they must accommodate the WOC customer.

That has not always been the case.

Left out of mainstream society for all sorts of unsettling reasons, it’s not surprising that the needs of WOC went unmet in the marketplace through the 50s, 60s, and early 70s. Note: It was black-owned, Johnson Publishing Company, publishers of Ebony and Jet magazine who distributed Fashion Fair Cosmetics, targeted to WOC in 1973.        

Most of you who read the TwoWomen blog posts grew up during these years and remember the limited products in the marketplace.  From cosmetics, and hair care products, to nylon stockings, little was found in mainstream markets. 

If you were a woman of color and wanted to find what you needed, creativity was the name of the game.

Our mother was a WOC and very creative. 

During this same time, department stores were at the height of their popularity.  These magnificent establishments radiated elegance and sophistication.  Known for their impeccable service, curated collections, and upscale elegance, they were not just places to shop but were cultural landmarks that defined a way of life.

And that way of life had little to do with being black in America. 

But all of this was not my mother’s mindset when she opened the heavily leaded glass doors of Knapp’s Department Store with her four young daughters in tow.     

She wanted makeup.  A foundational color to match her skin. 

How she knew Knapp’s carried what she wanted; I don’t know.  But she did.  Maybe a girlfriend told her, or she’d noticed it when she shopped the other departments. 

But she knew where she was going.  She boldly led us right to the cosmetic department, the first department after the double-door entrance. 

With a smile on her face, she kindly engaged the cosmetic clerk, explaining the purpose of her visit.  As she looked at the large glass jars of mixing powders flanking the rear of the cosmetic booth, she told the clerk she wanted powders mixed to match her skin color. 

I will never forget (and neither will Beth) sitting on the leather-covered bar stools next to our other sisters as we watched and waited as the clerk carefully blended the colors for our mother and then slid the parchment paper of blended colors into a beautiful Charles of the Ritz box. 

With a genuine smile, our mother paid for her items and thanked the clerk for her service. It was time to go.  Under my mom’s command, my sisters and I gathered our things ready to exit the store.   

This is just one example of our mother’s approach to life.  So it’s interesting to me with her boldness as my blueprint, how is it at times I can feel stopped by my personal fears?  

At the beginning of the year, I declared that I would not make decisions any longer that are fear-based.  My decisions will be joy-based.

We’re almost three months into the new year, and my resolution is still standing. 

I guess what's surprising me the most is just how many times my past decisions have been fear-based. 

Until I truly became conscious of it, I didn’t realize how many times I defaulted to fear when making decisions.  But that’s okay, I’m still standing.  I’m aware of it now and taking strides to change my behavior.    

My mom, that day long ago, no doubt felt somewhat fearful.

She was aware that she was a black woman, demanding service at a cosmetic counter built without her in mind.  It’s true, we were not in the segregated South.  No, we were in the integrated North.  But the experience still had the capacity to be uncomfortable, if not humiliating. 

But, as they say, she felt the fear and did it anyway.  Her reward? A beautiful box of bespoke cosmetic powders.  More importantly, she gave herself one more notch in her belt of personal power.  

We know fear is there for a reason and will never go away. It’s okay.  But just because it’s a constant, doesn’t mean it takes a front seat in our life. 

Have you read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert?  It’s one of my all-time favorite books.  I’ll end this blog with a quote from Big Magic. 

“So, what to do in the face of fear? Understand it's there for the long haul; welcome it, and acknowledge its presence, but don't empower it. Make a place for it but put it in its place. Don't allow it anywhere near your life control center, especially don't let it take the reins.” 

Something to think about and remember.  Talk to us in the comments.